Taylor Swift Accidentally Wrote a Religious Deconstruction Anthem
And I Love Her for It
From Ashley
I’ve been sitting here for two weeks now, trying to figure out what the hell to write for this week’s post. If you’re anything like me, you’re wading through a swamp of exhaustion and confusion, occasionally stumbling onto a fleeting moment of rest before sinking back in.
Lately, I’ve been overworking and overbooking myself-both personally and professionally. So-for my own sanity-I’m going with a meaningful but lighter post this week, because, frankly, I don’t think my soul can handle writing about the political nightmare that is our country right now.
Let’s Dive In-Did You Know I Am OBSESSED With Song Lyrics?
About a year ago, I found an extensive list of common traits in autistic women, and one of them was “high interest in songs and song lyrics.” I remember reading that and thinking, “OOOOH. Well. That’s the final nail in the coffin on that diagnosis!” Haha. Because truly-I have been obsessed with songs and lyrics since I was a tiny little girl. So today, we’re combining three of my favorite things: song lyrics, Taylor Swift, and talking about religious deconstruction.
While there are many of Taylor Swift’s songs that I would argue can relate to religious deconstruction (especially on TTPD-hello!) it really hit me a few weeks ago that,“But Daddy I Love Him” isn’t just about reckless young love; for me, it’s about leaving the church. It’s about defying authority, reclaiming your autonomy, and running full-speed toward something you’re not supposed to want. If you’ve ever left a high-demand religion, especially as a woman, this song hits.
Whether Taylor meant to or not (probably not-let’s be honest), she captured the absolute chaos, grief, defiance, and exhilaration that comes with breaking away from a system that tried to control you. So let’s break down these lyrics through the lens of religious deconstruction, because once you see it, you won’t be able to unsee it.
(In case you needed a visual-this is what Taylor looked like when she performed this song on the Eras tour. No, I did not get to see it live. And no, I am not okay.)
"I forget how the West was won / I forget if this was ever fun"
In true Taylor fashion we are starting off STRONG.
Some of you might be thinking, “Now, how WAS the West won?” In case your childhood history books skipped this part, “winning the West” was just a fancy way of saying colonialism, violence, and Indigenous displacement. In other words: not the flex they made it out to be.
Colonialism, by definition, is when a dominant power takes over land, resources, and people-usually through force, exploitation, and cultural erasure. The westward expansion of the U.S. wasn’t just about rugged pioneers chasing Manifest Destiny; it was about violent land theft, broken treaties, and the forced removal (and mass killing) of Indigenous peoples.
Which brings us to Mormonism. The church wasn’t just influenced by colonialism-it was founded on it. The early Mormon settlers saw the West as their “promised land,” ignoring the fact that the land was already inhabited by Indigenous nations with rich histories and cultures. Brigham Young and his followers took land that wasn’t theirs, justified it through religious doctrine, and played a direct role in the displacement and destruction of Indigenous communities. So when I say Mormonism is a colonizer-descended religion, I don’t mean that figuratively. I mean that literally.
Now, looking at Taylor’s line again through this lens? Yeah. It hits different, especially for us ex-Mormons.
"I just learned these people only raise you to cage you / Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best / Clutching their pearls, sighing, 'What a mess'"
Oof. Uh huh. Yep. She really went there. These lyrics might really strike a nerve for a lot of you.
High-demand religions often teach compliance disguised as love. They raise you-not to be independent-but to fit inside a carefully constructed mold. And the moment you step out? The “Sarahs and Hannahs” of the world (you know the type) are shocked and appalled. They clutch their pearls, whisper in the church hallways, and frame your departure as a tragic downfall rather than a personal awakening.
And they always manage to make it about themselves, don’t they? When really-staying or leaving a high-demand religion is a deeply personal decision, and it should not be influenced by anyone else but you.
"Too high a horse for a simple girl to rise above it / They slammed the door on my whole world / The one thing I wanted"
Let’s be honest-no amount of progressive Mormons are going to change the minds of the old guys at the top. It is, quite literally, too high a horse for any of us to rise above. So many of us try so hard to make changes in the church, to be a force for good. But ultimately, most of us leave because we can see the truth: nothing is going to change the deeply ingrained homophobia, racism, misogyny, and bigotry that runs rampant through the Mormon church.
And the best part? (Heavy sarcasm.) The exact moment you realize that no matter how much love and loyalty you gave to the church, the second you stop conforming, you become an outsider. The community you once thought of as home? Door slammed. They either want you in, or not at all.
"Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned / Screaming, 'But Daddy I love him!'"
I love the musicality in the melody leading up to this chorus-you can hear the buildup of someone who is nervous, frantic, running full-speed toward what they know they want, even as everyone around them is screaming for them to stop.
This is the absolute raw defiance of deconstruction. Running away from everything you were taught was safe, screaming into the void, “I know you don’t get it, but this is my choice!!!” The urgency, the rebellion, the freedom-it’s all here.
And the church’s reaction? Pure horror. Disdain. Confusion.
Don’t you know your salvation is at stake, Sister VanYperen? If I may quote another religious deconstruction banger, “Well if that’s [salvation] it comes at much too high a cost”.
"I'm having his baby / No, I'm not, but you should see your faces / I'm telling him to floor it through the fences / No, I'm not coming to my senses I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"
This is where the song gets sassy, and I love it.
The level of drama that religious communities (ESPECIALLY Mormonism) attach to someone leaving is unreal. They act like you’re about to spiral into complete self-destruction-like, give it 24 hours and you’ll be living in a back alley making deeply questionable life choices.
“She left the church??? Oh no, she must be on drugs.”
“He doesn’t believe anymore? He must just want to sin.”
“She’s probably an atheist now.”
Like… have these people ever actually asked their friend, sibling, cousin, parent-whoever left the church-why they really left? I get that it might not be fun to sit and hear about the darker realities woven into high-demand religion, but it would mean a lot to us ex-members. Instead of forcing us to comb through a mountain of assumptions you’ve already made, maybe just… ask. And listen.
And if you don’t have anyone in your life that will listen to the reasons why you left your high-demand religion, Taylor reminds us here that sometimes-when the judgment gets too absurd-all you can do is throw your hands up and lean into their worst fears with sarcasm.
“Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid / Tendrils tucked into a woven braid”
Okay, hi Taylor, were you there with me in young women’s or…? How do you know me so well? This is the entire experience of being raised to be obedient, quiet, and perfectly prepared for the “right” path as a girl being raised in a high-demand religion.
The imagery of the woven braid is also so spot on. So prim, proper, controlled-just like religious girls are expected to be.
But what happens when you were taught to be perfect, and then you realize perfection was just control in disguise?
“Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all”
THIS LINE??? THIS LINE.
Being the “mature” child, the rule-follower, the people-pleaser, the golden girl? It stunts you. I’m talking-stunts you so much mentally and emotionally that we have research to prove it.
You spend so much time being what they want you to be that you don’t get to grow into who you really are. Deconstruction often feels like finally growing up on your own terms, which is why it can be such a freeing experience.
“He was chaos, he was revelry / Bedroom eyes like a remedy”
Ooooooh, spicy rebellion arc. Hehe. Stick with me! Let’s think about these lyrics outside of the box a little bit, okay? “He” isn’t just a person-it’s freedom. Chaos and revelry are the exact opposite of religious repression.
It’s temptation, but not in a bad way-it’s the thrill of doing something that finally feels like yours instead of something you were given or forced into against your will.
Again, stick with me! “Bedroom eyes like a remedy” Okay, we can read this two ways:
Literal romantic rebellion (Mormon girls who start dating outside the church, I see you, and I salute you).
A metaphor for embracing desire and autonomy after being taught to fear them.
“Soon enough the elders had convened / Down at the city hall”
Here, Taylor so beautifully depicts a tale as old as time: religious leaders jumping in to try and “save” you. The second you step out of line, the ward council, the bishop, the church elders, your family-they all come RUNNING, trying to intervene. This is the high-control religious panic moment.
This is when they stop seeing you as a person and start seeing you as a liability.
"Stay away from her" / The saboteurs protested too much
In a matter of moments after leaving the church you are often seen as something and someone to be feared. I know some of our religious friends and families wouldn’t actually admit to that, but they don’t have to.
We were raised in the same brainwashing religion they were. We already know what they are thinking, whether they want to admit it to us or not: Shunning, demonizing, and making you a cautionary tale.
Can we also talk about the irony of the saboteurs (church leaders, family, “concerned” friends) protesting too much? They’re likely doing this because some part of them knows how fragile the system is.
If they let one person leave, question, or thrive outside the church, others might follow. The more they tell people to “stay away from you,” the more people become curious. And this is when you realize their fear isn’t about protecting you-it’s about protecting them.
"Lord knows the words we never heard / Just screeching tires and true love"
The words we never heard? Maybe things like: “I’m proud of you for thinking for yourself.” Golly gee, wouldn’t that have been nice? Instead, all we often get is fear, manipulation, guilt trips, and panic.
The screeching tires? That’s you, peeling the fuck out of there, reclaiming your life, and never looking back.
"I'll tell you something right now / I'd rather burn my whole life down / Than listen to one more second of all this bi***ing and moaning"
And then, just when you think the song couldn’t get any more unhinged, Taylor drops this bridge-and suddenly, it’s like she’s inside every ex-religious person’s brain.
Like, hello, this bridge??? AHH! THIS is the moment. The lyrics, the melody, it’s chef’s kiss. It’s truly one of my favorite Taylor Swift bridges EVER.
This is where we truly get the courage to break out of our religious mold and say, “HEY! I’m so tired of hearing these horrific assumptions about me without you even knowing who I am now, post-religion!” The moment you stop begging for approval. The moment you realize you’d rather lose everything than spend one more second trapped in the cycle of fear, shame, and smallness.
"I'll tell you something about my good name / It's mine alone to disgrace / I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing"
WOOOO, Lord! She got spicy and I am so here for it because I am so deeply seen by these lyrics.
High demand religions act like they own every part of who we are and there is so much power in leaving a religion and making mistakes because you CAN and you want to, not because someone threatens you with eternal damnation if you don’t do something.
So much of deconstruction is reclaiming you; the most authentic version of you. You were told your name belonged to the church, your family, the community, God. That your choices reflected on them. But NO. Your name is yours. Your mistakes are yours.
(The most beautiful and symbolic set design from when Taylor performed this song on the Eras tour.)
"God save the most judgmental creeps / Who say they want what's best for me / Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see”
Call out the religious leaders, the pearl-clutchers, the gossipers, the family members who may stage interventions in the name of love (which-as we discussed-is often actually control). They think they’re helping, but really? It’s mostly just a performance.
Leaders of high-demand religions want you to be a cautionary tale, a lost soul they can wring their hands over. They may say they want what’s best for you, but they don’t actually even know what’s best for you-or themselves-because all they know is the box that religion has shoved them into.
"Thinking it can change the beat / Of my heart when he touches me / And counteract the chemistry / And undo the destiny"
As we’ve done with other lyrics in this song, let’s take a step back and not take these lines super literally. Ultimately, these lyrics are about control vs. inevitability.
“Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me” Religion and family expect you to suppress what you know and feel deep down.
“And counteract the chemistry” They act like if they pray hard enough, intervene enough, guilt you enough, they can override your desires, your truth, your autonomy.
“Undo the destiny” But no amount of control can stop someone from waking up. Once you see the truth, you can’t unsee it.
"You ain't gotta pray for me / Me and my wild boy / And all this wild joy"
Ooooh, Taylor. How you speak to my soul! The ultimate dismissal of every “I’m praying for you” text, every well-meaning but condescending “I just hope you find your way back someday.”
You don’t need saving. You’re not lost. You’re finally free. You are finally able to experience actual authentic joy. And if you were lucky enough to have your spouse leave the church with you, then you might feel seen like I do by thinking of “my wild boy” as my husband.
"If all you want is gray for me / Then it's just white noise, and it's my choice"
High-demand religions want you to be small. They want you to be palatable, to fit neatly into their carefully constructed mold. But you are so much more valuable than that. As tough as it is, these lyrics remind us to try our best to tune out the opinions of others-especially when it comes to religious deconstruction.
"There's a lot of people in town that I / Bestow upon my fakest smiles"
If you know, you know. For so many reasons so many of us ex-Mormons and post-religious folks have to-at times-pretend we’re super happy because god forbid a challenge ever come upon us after we leave the church. That must be proof that god isn’t happy with us! …Or maybe, just maybe, it’s called life. And maybe, just maybe, completely deconstructing a decades-old belief system comes with challenges. Shocking! I know.
In a more petty light, these lyrics also perfectly depict the perfectly polite, fake-ass smile you give to former ward members when they see you at the grocery store and say, “We miss you at church!”
"Scandal does funny things to pride / But brings lovers closer"
I see these lyrics as: leaving the church = Scandal. And the shame, gossip, and judgment? It can wreck you. It can make you question everything, even the parts of yourself you were so sure of. It can feel like losing an entire world overnight.
But here’s the thing-sometimes, losing that world is what finally lets you find the people who truly see you. The ones who don’t need you to believe the “right” things to love you. The ones who stay? They are your real people. And the ones who don’t? They never really knew you at all.
"We came back when the heat died down / Went to my parents and they came around / All the wine moms are still holding out / But f*** ‘em it's over"
Oof. The long game of religious family acceptance.
You leave.
They freak out.
Time passes.
They realize you’re actually happy and not a disaster.
Some people finally accept you as you are. But others? They will hold onto their disapproval forever (looking at you, wine moms). But you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over. You’re free. A much more rewarding life is on the other side of learning not to care what your unaccepting religious friends and family think of you.
"Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun and / Even my daddy just loves him"
This is closure. Not everyone will come around, but some do. The joy of fully living in your truth and finally feeling accepted-if not by everyone, then at least by the ones who matter most to you.
"I'm his lady, and oh my God / You should see your faces"
Hehe! This line is petty and I love it. The sheer joy of proving people wrong. You left, and instead of being miserable like they expected? You’re thriving. You’re glowing. You’re dancing in the damn sun. And they can’t stand it.
Do you still experience hard times? Yes. Because every living and breathing thing does. Again: Bad things happening post-religion doesn’t mean that you are being punished for leaving the church. That’s just indoctrination.
"Time, doesn't it give some perspective / No, you can't come to the wedding"
To me, this almost sounds like a peace offering-Time changes things, doesn’t it? But then? BAM. “No, you can’t come to the wedding.” (Also-highly ironic that in Mormonism so many non-members are the ones who can’t attend the weddings because they are not “worthy” enough).
There are consequences to how people treat you. Some bridges don’t get rebuilt. Some boundaries stay.
"I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"
In case you aren’t hearing my yap: Let’s once again talk about what “he” really represents here, in the context of religious indoctrination. This isn’t just about a person-this is about a CHOICE. “He” is who you are now-your truth, your freedom, your path. And even if people don’t get it, it’s still yours.
If life outside of religion is what you want there is nothing wrong with that.
"But oh my God you should see your faces"
And one last time for the people in the back!!!
The audacity of choosing happiness outside of their expectations? Unforgivable in their eyes. Unstoppable in yours.
Final Thoughts: What This Song Means to Me Now
I remember the exact moment I realized I wasn’t just doubting. I was done with the Mormon Church (I’ll share more of that story another day). It wasn’t a slow unraveling anymore; it was a full-speed breakaway. And looking back, that moment was filled with so many emotions: fear, grief, exhilaration, defiance, freedom. To me, this song so beautifully captures of those emotions.
Maybe Taylor Swift didn’t write this song about leaving a high-demand religion.
But she might as well have.
Your Turn: Can You Relate?
Okay, tell me-did you feel and hear this song differently after reading this? If you’ve left a high-control religion, what lyrics hit you the hardest? Drop your thoughts in the comments, because I KNOW I’m not the only one screaming this chorus like a battle cry.
I can't count the times I have screamed along to "you ain't gotta pray for me" in my car in the past year alone! I love this breakdown, and I love how you reframe the "he" in the romantic narrative. I like to think that Taylor was commenting just a little bit on the problematic aspects of religious communities, or at least using them metaphorically.
I love this breakdown so much! A great Easter Sunday read 😊